I wasn't really that excited about moving back until yesterday. I guess it's wrong for me to say that I wasn't excited, I was. It just hadn't hit me yet. I had everything packed in San Jose, cried saying goodbye to Tyler and his mom, drove the 5 long hours with the comfort of the cat on my lap and got in to LA Tuesday night. I spent the following days unpacking, repacking, unpacking and repacking again. Once everything FINALLY fit into 2 bags (which still had to be shuffled around at the airport), I still didn't feel like I was moving. There were all my bags, everything in my life AGAIN stowed away into TSA regulation sized suitcases, and it hadn't hit me yet.
I continued the goodbyes throughout Thursday and Friday and kept reassuring my cat that he would be loved and missed but well taken care of by my parents. Friday afternoon I was sitting in LAX in a very crowded Gate 22. I called Tyler and looked up at the screen. Hawaiian Airlines Flight HA9 non-stop service to Honolulu. I got choked up. I was alone. I was moving. I was going. Again. That's when it hit me.
I felt better on the airplane, I sat next to a woman from Orlando who was almost 70 and flew every year to see her grandkids in Ewa Beach. We chatted and made the flight go by much quicker by joking about the geckos in the HawaiianSkies magazine. When I saw the lights of Honolulu brighten up the plane as we made our final decent, I got nervous. Then, it hit me again. This was the first time I was completely on my own moving.
With the grace of good friends I've made it to Saturday night. It's 8:30 Hawaii time, but 10:30 Pacific time...and boy I didn't sleep much last night. I'm exhausted from moving. But I got everything worked out. I have my cute, but small, studio in Hawaii Kai...my old, but running well, truck from Teare...and I start my job on Monday morning. I bought groceries (forgot how expensive Hawaii is!) and plan on either hiking Koko Head tomorrow..WHICH I LIVE CLOSE TO!! :)...or surfing.
Now that I have a few minutes to myself, guess what, it hit me...I'm where people save up years to vacation...and I'm living here. I'm so blessed to have full-time work in a field that I am passionate about especially in an economy like we have today. I am grateful for a roof over my head, especially when it has a view of the mountains. I could not have done it at all without Tyler.
And he's all the way in San Jose. Not even getting to enjoy any of this. The apartment he paid rent for, the car he purchased...nothing.
And of course, it hits me, I miss him like crazy. I've done this before, lived far away from him. Our relationship has spent more time spanning miles across the globe than it has in the same time zone. Once again I'm more than 2000 miles away from him. I thought this may be easier this time around, but I know how it feels to miss him and this time it is really hard.
And despite all I have and all I can get and all I have done and can do and will do...I can't help feeling horribly alone. I'm surrounded by people and friends on a beautiful warm island with clear blue water and sunny skies and there is just one person I want here so badly that isn't.
Come on. Hit me with it...February 10th can't come fast enough.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Once again
Once again, my life is about to change. It's weird to think that all of those times I've packed my life into and out of boxes, that THIS time I'm struggling to make everything fit. My one suitcase weighs just barely under 50 pounds and the other is packed completely full, luckily under 40. I still have to finish unpacking a box and scrape wax off my surfboard...and I fly at 5:05 tomorrow afternoon.
This time tomorrow night I'll be on Oahu again. I'll be completely alone...besides of course my wonderful friends. I just have to sort out housing and car stuff and than start work on Monday...eek!
20 days 16 hours 4 mins and 18 seconds.
This time tomorrow night I'll be on Oahu again. I'll be completely alone...besides of course my wonderful friends. I just have to sort out housing and car stuff and than start work on Monday...eek!
20 days 16 hours 4 mins and 18 seconds.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
We're breaking up...
Dear San Francisco,
I am breaking up with you.
No, no, no! It's not your fault. Really, it's me. I really enjoyed my job, it was great being able to work with all the fish and the public. I really liked talking about sea bass and sharks and sea lions and stuff. You were always kind of the "dream" city, and we did it...we had fun, right? I did enjoy all those good times we had with that big Christmas tree and all those pretty lights. I'll never forget your foghorns or the way you look all bundled up in the mist early in the morning. And boy...you DO look good at night! But you see, it's just not going to work out.
I live in San Jose, your good neighbor, and I really enjoy San Jose. But the two hour drive to and from you with all your traffic is annoying. Your one-way streets, all of 3 gas stations, high parking prices and unfriendly commuter routes really started to rub me the wrong way. I smiled, and bared it, because I thought maybe things would change. But you never did San Francisco, you never did. It's great you won the World Series, but the congestion you caused along The Embarcadero in order to celebrate was SLIGHTLY ridiculous. Look, we had some great times, the Golden Gate is nice, I really love the Bay Bridge...but...I have to be honest...there's someone else.
I'm getting back together with my ex, Oahu. Oahu's great! Oahu has sunny beaches and clear blue water and tropical fish. I can wear a bathing suit. A BATHING SUIT, SAN FRANCISCO! Do you even know what that is?? Oahu makes me HAPPY! Oahu has rain forests and DAMN you should see Waikiki during the summer...MMMM! Big waves, good weather and did I tell you? Oahu is going to support me. Money San Francisco, money! Do you remember that little thing you promised but never pulled through on? No part-time bs. Full-time. Education. Sea Life Park!
So...we can still be friends right? I'll visit. I mean, I think you're a great vacation spot. But...right now, this just isn't going to work out.
Alright, going to go pack, I got a hot date on the 21st with Oahu. We're going snorkeling.
Love always,
Bree
I am breaking up with you.
No, no, no! It's not your fault. Really, it's me. I really enjoyed my job, it was great being able to work with all the fish and the public. I really liked talking about sea bass and sharks and sea lions and stuff. You were always kind of the "dream" city, and we did it...we had fun, right? I did enjoy all those good times we had with that big Christmas tree and all those pretty lights. I'll never forget your foghorns or the way you look all bundled up in the mist early in the morning. And boy...you DO look good at night! But you see, it's just not going to work out.
I live in San Jose, your good neighbor, and I really enjoy San Jose. But the two hour drive to and from you with all your traffic is annoying. Your one-way streets, all of 3 gas stations, high parking prices and unfriendly commuter routes really started to rub me the wrong way. I smiled, and bared it, because I thought maybe things would change. But you never did San Francisco, you never did. It's great you won the World Series, but the congestion you caused along The Embarcadero in order to celebrate was SLIGHTLY ridiculous. Look, we had some great times, the Golden Gate is nice, I really love the Bay Bridge...but...I have to be honest...there's someone else.
I'm getting back together with my ex, Oahu. Oahu's great! Oahu has sunny beaches and clear blue water and tropical fish. I can wear a bathing suit. A BATHING SUIT, SAN FRANCISCO! Do you even know what that is?? Oahu makes me HAPPY! Oahu has rain forests and DAMN you should see Waikiki during the summer...MMMM! Big waves, good weather and did I tell you? Oahu is going to support me. Money San Francisco, money! Do you remember that little thing you promised but never pulled through on? No part-time bs. Full-time. Education. Sea Life Park!
So...we can still be friends right? I'll visit. I mean, I think you're a great vacation spot. But...right now, this just isn't going to work out.
Alright, going to go pack, I got a hot date on the 21st with Oahu. We're going snorkeling.
Love always,
Bree
Friday, October 29, 2010
I got back to that City by the Bay
My deepest regrets for not posting sooner. And I don't even know who still follows this. I was driving home yesterday and I thought struck me that I had once, in a time of quite desperation, put out to the universe (on this particular page) that I wanted to be in San Francisco. Tonight I went back through my blogs and found those posts. They were dated back as early as April and a few hints at going north were spotted in March. I had mentioned I wanted to be in the Bay Area, working in a marine related field. I wanted to be HAPPY.
Today I was driving home from work when I thought of those old blogs.
Today I was driving home from my new job at the Aquarium of the Bay.
Today I was driving home from Aquarium of the Bay in San Francisco.
Today I pulled into my new apartment in San Jose.
Today I made dinner for my boyfriend, cleaned our apartment and sat here and realized how euphorically happy I am.
Tonight, I am realizing that whatever you put out into the universe, will always, always, ALWAYS come back to you.
For those of you that don't know I made it. I made it to the Bay. I live in South Bay, in San Jose. I work as a naturalist at the Aquarium of the Bay in San Francisco. I am exactly where I need to be at this point in my life. I am in love with someone that is truly the best man I know. He is wonderful, he is a gentleman and just thinking about him makes me blush. I know that where I am, at this exact moment in my life, is exactly where I am supposed to be. There's no where else in this world that I need to be than on this couch, in this place, with these people right now. I wish upon everyone in the world this amazing feeling that I feel all the time. Life has been gradually getting better and better. A few months ago, I could have sworn that how I felt was the most happiness anyone could ever feel. This month, I'm even MORE happy. I'm excited to see how I'm going to feel NEXT month. It's ridiculous, but I can't stress enough how much the law of attraction means!!
This is a quick update on my life. I am alive. I am happy. I am healthy. I am in love. I am here. I did it.
I miss you all, I love you all...come visit in San Francisco!
BREE :D
Today I was driving home from work when I thought of those old blogs.
Today I was driving home from my new job at the Aquarium of the Bay.
Today I was driving home from Aquarium of the Bay in San Francisco.
Today I pulled into my new apartment in San Jose.
Today I made dinner for my boyfriend, cleaned our apartment and sat here and realized how euphorically happy I am.
Tonight, I am realizing that whatever you put out into the universe, will always, always, ALWAYS come back to you.
For those of you that don't know I made it. I made it to the Bay. I live in South Bay, in San Jose. I work as a naturalist at the Aquarium of the Bay in San Francisco. I am exactly where I need to be at this point in my life. I am in love with someone that is truly the best man I know. He is wonderful, he is a gentleman and just thinking about him makes me blush. I know that where I am, at this exact moment in my life, is exactly where I am supposed to be. There's no where else in this world that I need to be than on this couch, in this place, with these people right now. I wish upon everyone in the world this amazing feeling that I feel all the time. Life has been gradually getting better and better. A few months ago, I could have sworn that how I felt was the most happiness anyone could ever feel. This month, I'm even MORE happy. I'm excited to see how I'm going to feel NEXT month. It's ridiculous, but I can't stress enough how much the law of attraction means!!
This is a quick update on my life. I am alive. I am happy. I am healthy. I am in love. I am here. I did it.
I miss you all, I love you all...come visit in San Francisco!
BREE :D
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
The go-getter
How strange it is we build these walls and define ourselves by our boundaries, when we havw, by nature, such an infinite purpose to wander.
I sit here staring out the window. It's merely glass. Tempered so not to break. But it's a portal. It shows me the endless wonder of what lays beyond these four panels that pull me into solemn confinement. I'm comfortable here. I'm sitting on a soft bed, I have a phone next to me, an ipod too. With the World Wide Web at my fingertips, who needs the sprawl of this wide world? Why not be the spider that makes the web?
There are places I'd like to be right now. I know no where is as great as where I am at this very moment...but I can't help but have that itching, burning, painfully incurable wanderlust syndrome come over me again. I love being in my car, I love traveling. I love being somewhere new to find adventures you wouldn't see just by clicking "search" on all our Google-d lives. It is possible to go. I just have to get there.
To ignore circumstances in our lives that are so obviously thrust upon us to learn from, is ignorance. How do I ignore this incredible gift which has been dropped at my feet? How do I step aside and let this moment pass? How can I just watch this strange, beautiful cosmic coincidence merely flow by me? I'm not going to. I refuse to ignore the beauty of right now.
There really is a big, wide, beautiful world out there. Filled with people, places and opportunities there are waiting for me. Me. You. Us. All of us. What you put out into the world WILL come back to you.
For those that want it, they can have it.
Go get it.
Bree
I sit here staring out the window. It's merely glass. Tempered so not to break. But it's a portal. It shows me the endless wonder of what lays beyond these four panels that pull me into solemn confinement. I'm comfortable here. I'm sitting on a soft bed, I have a phone next to me, an ipod too. With the World Wide Web at my fingertips, who needs the sprawl of this wide world? Why not be the spider that makes the web?
There are places I'd like to be right now. I know no where is as great as where I am at this very moment...but I can't help but have that itching, burning, painfully incurable wanderlust syndrome come over me again. I love being in my car, I love traveling. I love being somewhere new to find adventures you wouldn't see just by clicking "search" on all our Google-d lives. It is possible to go. I just have to get there.
To ignore circumstances in our lives that are so obviously thrust upon us to learn from, is ignorance. How do I ignore this incredible gift which has been dropped at my feet? How do I step aside and let this moment pass? How can I just watch this strange, beautiful cosmic coincidence merely flow by me? I'm not going to. I refuse to ignore the beauty of right now.
There really is a big, wide, beautiful world out there. Filled with people, places and opportunities there are waiting for me. Me. You. Us. All of us. What you put out into the world WILL come back to you.
For those that want it, they can have it.
Go get it.
Bree
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Something slightly sugary
Ah the familiar click of rapidly moving keys under my fingers. There have been a ton of thoughts running through my head that I keep telling myself "I should blog about that!" But at the same time I can't seem to make enough time with all the extra time that I'm given.
I find it hard to write about things when I'm feeling happy. I feel that happy thoughts just seem to flow endlessly out of my mouth into the ears of innocent bystanders. Whether they care to hear about my happiness and joyous mood, they fall victim to the onslaught of cheery tones. I find blogging, or writing for that matter, is something that I use as a release of stressful emotion. I tend to sit down and want to write about something when I feel that burdening others with my overly moody emotions is just bad karma. I sit down at the computer when I can't hold in anymore of the overly powerful stirs of feelings and if they aren't released it will create the horrible word-vomit that occurs in the most unfortunate of places. My word-vomit is comparable to a frat house party where alcohol is consumed at a rate of astonishing speed and mixed with various forms of belligerent shmoozing and all at once comes hurling out in a slightly toxic and foul smelling mixture onto pledges and anyone unfortunately close enough to be in range of the spew.
So I decided to try something new.
How about talking about something happy? Just because I've repeated the story a million times doesn't mean that it's going to get a notch worse on the millionth and one time. It may make it better.
So, I'm happy! I'm overly, happy. I haven't felt this happy in a long time. It's a freeing happiness. A happiness that makes me smile when I wake up, grin throughout my day and go to sleep feeling hopefully optimistic about the future. It is almost sickening I know. I don't know how long this kind of euphoric happiness can last, so I'm embracing it while it is here. I'm squeezing the living hell out of it, going to make sure that every last drop of happy sap is sucked out of this feeling until it is shriveled up like a dry prune. And for no particular reason, or reasons maybe I've yet to admit to myself...I'm this happy. I can do anything, go anywhere, be whatever-the-hell-I-feel-like-being-today happy. It's strange really, because a few months ago I was convinced that happiness was a long lost friend of mine that I could fondly look back on our memories together. He occasionally stopped by for a cup of tea and was too quick to leave, but now I think that he may be here to stay for a slumber party, or two, or three, or a whole week.
People reaffirm thoughts that I know to be true in my own head but fail to listen to when my own conscious is screaming them at me. I need to hear them from someone else to make sure I can recognize they are real. What you put out into the universe will come back to you. I am a magnet for happy thoughts. I will not harbor unhealthy thoughts. I am a product of my own mood. Positive energy and good vibrations will be returned to you in time. The law of attraction will attract like people and like situations to myself. I know this to be true, it just got happily hammered into my head recently. So far, it has yet to prove me wrong.
Please don't :)
Here's to another overly positive and happy day tomorrow.
Good night world.
Bree
I find it hard to write about things when I'm feeling happy. I feel that happy thoughts just seem to flow endlessly out of my mouth into the ears of innocent bystanders. Whether they care to hear about my happiness and joyous mood, they fall victim to the onslaught of cheery tones. I find blogging, or writing for that matter, is something that I use as a release of stressful emotion. I tend to sit down and want to write about something when I feel that burdening others with my overly moody emotions is just bad karma. I sit down at the computer when I can't hold in anymore of the overly powerful stirs of feelings and if they aren't released it will create the horrible word-vomit that occurs in the most unfortunate of places. My word-vomit is comparable to a frat house party where alcohol is consumed at a rate of astonishing speed and mixed with various forms of belligerent shmoozing and all at once comes hurling out in a slightly toxic and foul smelling mixture onto pledges and anyone unfortunately close enough to be in range of the spew.
So I decided to try something new.
How about talking about something happy? Just because I've repeated the story a million times doesn't mean that it's going to get a notch worse on the millionth and one time. It may make it better.
So, I'm happy! I'm overly, happy. I haven't felt this happy in a long time. It's a freeing happiness. A happiness that makes me smile when I wake up, grin throughout my day and go to sleep feeling hopefully optimistic about the future. It is almost sickening I know. I don't know how long this kind of euphoric happiness can last, so I'm embracing it while it is here. I'm squeezing the living hell out of it, going to make sure that every last drop of happy sap is sucked out of this feeling until it is shriveled up like a dry prune. And for no particular reason, or reasons maybe I've yet to admit to myself...I'm this happy. I can do anything, go anywhere, be whatever-the-hell-I-feel-like-being-today happy. It's strange really, because a few months ago I was convinced that happiness was a long lost friend of mine that I could fondly look back on our memories together. He occasionally stopped by for a cup of tea and was too quick to leave, but now I think that he may be here to stay for a slumber party, or two, or three, or a whole week.
People reaffirm thoughts that I know to be true in my own head but fail to listen to when my own conscious is screaming them at me. I need to hear them from someone else to make sure I can recognize they are real. What you put out into the universe will come back to you. I am a magnet for happy thoughts. I will not harbor unhealthy thoughts. I am a product of my own mood. Positive energy and good vibrations will be returned to you in time. The law of attraction will attract like people and like situations to myself. I know this to be true, it just got happily hammered into my head recently. So far, it has yet to prove me wrong.
Please don't :)
Here's to another overly positive and happy day tomorrow.
Good night world.
Bree
Monday, July 5, 2010
Everyday's so caffeinated I wish they were Golden Gated
Are you going to San Francisco?
Wow what a week I've had. I broke free and drove up the coast of California to San Francisco. Kelly and I took the Pacific Coast Highway up to San Simeon, with a stop in Cambria for lunch. We watched the elephant seals fling dirt on themselves in the fog and continued north to Ragged Point where we stopped for a romp in the thick fog and...in my case...numerous bathroom breaks. From Ragged Point we took the twisted winding highway up to Big Sur, where we camped for the night in Pfeiffer Big Sur state park. The colors of the forest we're so vibrant...pictures didn't even do them justice. The next morning we drove to the Monterey Bay Aquarium and tore ourselves away from Cannery Row to drive another 3 hours to Vallejo. For anyone that hasn't ever been to Vallejo...I'd say it's a spot you can avoid on your next roadtrip...
Luckily my dear English friend Niki lives there...and may as well be the only white girl in Vallejo...and we stayed at her place for a few days. She was my roommate when I was living in Waikoloa on the Big Island and I remember why we got along so well. She's just one of those free-spirit people that you can talk about anything with and do anything with and she's completely down for it all.
From Vallejo we drove into wine country, to the town of St. Helena. The grunge of the city left behind us, the sprawl of thousands of neatly trimmed rows of grapes welcomed us to the famous Napa Valley. It had always been a dream of mine to go wine tasting in Napa, and when we pulled up to Beringer Vineyards I was smiling so big my face started to hurt. If anyone hasn't had the opportunity to go wine tasting that lives in California...PLEASE do. It's an experience that is so unique and SO much fun! The area of Napa is so beautiful and the town of St. Helena is absolutely exquisite. Even if you don't drink wine, it's worth a trip up there just for the history. For $20 we got an hour and a half tour around the vineyard and aging tunnels and four samples of wine...even some dark chocolate :)! The port wine from Beringer...OOH THE PORT WINE!...is my favorite...I ended up splurging on a bottle.
That same night Kelly, Niki and I, along with some new friends from Marin...went into the city for Taco Tuesdays. I actually went out! I know, shocking. And I stayed out until 5 am! AH! Even hungover I was able to get up bright and early and tour the city of San Francisco and the Marine Mammal Center. I drank drinking chocolate at the Ghirardelli Factory and saw fishermans wharf and drove across the Golden Gate Bridge. Saved the cable car for the next time I'm up there...so that way I have an excuse to go back :).
But I really don't think I'll have a hard time going back up there. I'm already counting down the days until I can get back to that city by the bay. I'm frantically looking for my chance to run back up to bay area. I love it. Not just the city of San Fran, but all over it. The people, the scenery, the smells, the tastes, I love it all. The hardest part of the entire trip was taking the 5 freeway back towards LA. Don't get me wrong I love LA, but at one point Kelly and I looked at each other and said, "What if we just turn around now and go back? Do you think anyone would mind?"
I WILL BE BACK IN SAN FRANCISCO.
or somewhere along that huge bay.
*Sigh* Until then...
Bree
Wow what a week I've had. I broke free and drove up the coast of California to San Francisco. Kelly and I took the Pacific Coast Highway up to San Simeon, with a stop in Cambria for lunch. We watched the elephant seals fling dirt on themselves in the fog and continued north to Ragged Point where we stopped for a romp in the thick fog and...in my case...numerous bathroom breaks. From Ragged Point we took the twisted winding highway up to Big Sur, where we camped for the night in Pfeiffer Big Sur state park. The colors of the forest we're so vibrant...pictures didn't even do them justice. The next morning we drove to the Monterey Bay Aquarium and tore ourselves away from Cannery Row to drive another 3 hours to Vallejo. For anyone that hasn't ever been to Vallejo...I'd say it's a spot you can avoid on your next roadtrip...
Luckily my dear English friend Niki lives there...and may as well be the only white girl in Vallejo...and we stayed at her place for a few days. She was my roommate when I was living in Waikoloa on the Big Island and I remember why we got along so well. She's just one of those free-spirit people that you can talk about anything with and do anything with and she's completely down for it all.
From Vallejo we drove into wine country, to the town of St. Helena. The grunge of the city left behind us, the sprawl of thousands of neatly trimmed rows of grapes welcomed us to the famous Napa Valley. It had always been a dream of mine to go wine tasting in Napa, and when we pulled up to Beringer Vineyards I was smiling so big my face started to hurt. If anyone hasn't had the opportunity to go wine tasting that lives in California...PLEASE do. It's an experience that is so unique and SO much fun! The area of Napa is so beautiful and the town of St. Helena is absolutely exquisite. Even if you don't drink wine, it's worth a trip up there just for the history. For $20 we got an hour and a half tour around the vineyard and aging tunnels and four samples of wine...even some dark chocolate :)! The port wine from Beringer...OOH THE PORT WINE!...is my favorite...I ended up splurging on a bottle.
That same night Kelly, Niki and I, along with some new friends from Marin...went into the city for Taco Tuesdays. I actually went out! I know, shocking. And I stayed out until 5 am! AH! Even hungover I was able to get up bright and early and tour the city of San Francisco and the Marine Mammal Center. I drank drinking chocolate at the Ghirardelli Factory and saw fishermans wharf and drove across the Golden Gate Bridge. Saved the cable car for the next time I'm up there...so that way I have an excuse to go back :).
But I really don't think I'll have a hard time going back up there. I'm already counting down the days until I can get back to that city by the bay. I'm frantically looking for my chance to run back up to bay area. I love it. Not just the city of San Fran, but all over it. The people, the scenery, the smells, the tastes, I love it all. The hardest part of the entire trip was taking the 5 freeway back towards LA. Don't get me wrong I love LA, but at one point Kelly and I looked at each other and said, "What if we just turn around now and go back? Do you think anyone would mind?"
I WILL BE BACK IN SAN FRANCISCO.
or somewhere along that huge bay.
*Sigh* Until then...
Bree
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