It is a humbling feeling to know that everything you have can be taken away so quickly.
I'm not sure what happened, nor do I really feel like displaying again what exactly did happen. Just know that it was quick and it was painful. LIke when you pretend that ripping off a bandaid isn't painful...it hurts but it's fast. And you're left with the semi-healed wound and outline of a soggy bandaid on your skin to try to mend. I'm putting neosporin on it but it just isn't healing as fast as I had hoped.
Last week life was going the way I wanted it. We had two cars, my mom was coming to visit, we had a weekend planned out of relaxation, fun and wedding planning. I was trying on my gown for my mother who hand't seen it yet, she hadn't even seen my engagement ring. We had calculated that we may be able to start saving money to go on a honeymoon. We both were moving in the right path with money, Tyler was going to go get his CrossFit level 1 cert. We booked airfare, I was planning stuff for his birthday, we lived in a nice affordable place. Wednesday night we hung out with great friends, played music and I cleaned anticipating my mom's arrival. We had a well-stocked fridge, wine on the table and the comfort of the one you love falling asleep next to you.
Thursday morning I woke up scared, sick to my stomach and not knowing where my life was going. My mom wasn't coming out, it didn't mean anything to have food in our cabinets, wine on our table, or friends to jam with. I left feeling threatened, uncomfortable and terrified about what the day would bring. I went to bed with somewhere to live and woke up homeless. I felt and feel betrayed. People who we thought were friends, who had taken us in as family had LITERALLY over the course of a few hours turned into enemies. I feel like a dog kicked out on the streets. We have no explanation of what happened to make it go the way it did, nor will we probably ever. By 6pm on Thursday, instead of getting ready to pick my mom up from the airport, I was moving the last of my life out of my house and onto a friend's couch. Friday morning we sold our second car, dried my tears and leaned on each other to stay up straight and keep trying to find the purpose behind all this.
After countless hours of apartment hunting, refreshing craigslist, showings of places we can't totally afford and minutes after minutes of worrying...how do you not start to feel stressed? I thought things were going the direction I had hoped? I guess not. Our savings may be drained because of moving expenses, we may be down and out (again Oahu....really, you are going to do this to me again!?). The two-car-honeymoon-savings-life-going-the-way-we-had-dreamed-reality rug being pulled out from underneath our feet is a lesson that I am still trying really hard to understand I told a dear friend of mine that I know that this is a blessing in disguise but it is hard to see the sun through a dust storm. To which she responded that even rainbows are made of reflections of rain and darkness.
We are still trying and looking. I won't give up JUST yet on this. On him. On his dreams. On the life that I have dragged all the way out here, fed with a silver spoon and watched grow, wanting only the best for it. I don't know where we would be right now if it wasn't for the grace of family and friends. Despite my mom not coming this weekend, the money she would have spent here she gave to us for moving costs. Jessi and Kali rushed to our aide when we needed them most and Kali and Ross have greatly opened their home an their couch to us lost souls. The first night I spent on her couch was rough...I glanced at the suitcases and boxes and trash bags that used to be our lives and felt sad. I looked over at Tyler sleeping next to me on a couch and felt miserable. I feel like I was held accountable for him being homeless. As ridiculous as that sounds. I felt like I had failed him, given him false hope of this great life the islands have to offer only to stick him on a couch with a sheet and say good night. If it wasn't for his relentless optimism and calming energy and I don't know where I would be right now. He is my port in this storm. I can't even begin to try to describe what he has done for me and how he reassures me everyday that things happen for a reason. These past few days he has protected me, dried my tears and held my hand as we march from house to house, phone call to phone call to try to find something.
Where is home? Home is where you make it. Home is where your loved ones are. Where your love is. Home is where you feel comfortable, where you can go to rest, go to feel peace. Home is a reflection of who you are and all your accomplishments. Home can be a roof and four walls, an open space or a metaphorical peace of mind. Home is wherever we are if there's love there too.
How do you give up on a dream? When do you give up? What are you trying to tell me universe!?! I'M LISTENING LOUD AND CLEAR. SPEAK.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Changing a lifestyle
Changing a lifestyle.
People I think always assume that a lifestyle change is difficult. That it requires some metaphysical cosmic collision to ever work right. And although no one ever said changing years worth of habits and living would be easy...I found changing a lifestyle was actually way simpler than I had anticipated.
My lifestyle change occurred by accident. I never really set out with the idea to change my age-old habits of exercise, eating, sleeping and moody behavior, it just sort of occurred. I knew with my recent engagement that certain things needed adjusting, but I never assumed that my whole outlook on life would be so drastically altered. The shift started on my first day at CrossFit East Oahu. Not knowing what to expect, where to go, how to handle barbells and weights, wall balls and boxes and what the heck was a "WOD"?...I hesitantly stepped into my first class. After the first 3,2,1...go!...I knew I was hooked. The atmosphere, the people, the workout..it was all pleasantly different. The aching, the sore body, the "I can't figure out how to sit down and take a pee because its too much like a squat" feeling was surprisingly refreshing.
The first gears clicked into place of my new lifestyle change that fateful day...but they didn't start rolling and moving until a few weeks later. It started with 2 classes a week. Then I challenged myself to 3. Then 4. Then 5. All of a sudden I couldn't go enough and 6 and sometimes 7 days were the norm. I watched people around me that had been there longer and started making mental goals to hit. Little milestones that I wanted to achieve. The first one was cutting out certain foods, eating healthier and committing to a workout schedule.
When that was done I wanted to continually move up in weight until I could complete one workout of the day, "WOD", at RX weight (the prescribed weight). That benchmark came faster than I had expected. Ok...kipping pull-ups! You should YouTube that if you're not sure of what it is. I can do them now! Squat clean at 110lbs? Sure!! Heavier weight. Ok! 135lb backsquat, check. 190lb deadlift (technically 185lb counted because my grip slipped at 190, but I got it UP!). Check, check, check, check. Overhead squats, snatches, running, blisters and sore feet, shin splints and sweat...yes!
Certain things starting clicking and shifting and all of a sudden those gears were turning. Without even meaning to I had created a lifestyle change. I got excited about going to workout, to challenge myself into heavier weights, longer distances running, faster times. I wanted to go as long as I could on a fast, wanted to challenge myself to cut out certain sugars, refined foods and grains. I wanted to see the callused hands and blistered feet (and boy do I have those now). I wanted to be able to get my name on the board, I wanted to complete a workout without puking (which...luckily...I have yet to puke). The most motivating part of the process was not only the weights and endurance, but the physical changes I was starting to see in my body. Pants were getting lose, arms were getting stronger, thighs were becoming toned. I could look in the mirror and not have to suck it in. Sit down on the sand and know that I wasn't bulging out of a swimsuit.
I remember I tried on my wedding gown and told the lady "Wow, this has a great corset!"
To which she replied, "Oh no darling, this has no corset, that hour-glass shape is all you!" That was completely inspirational.
My accidental lifestyle change not only occurred physically, but also mentally. I started breaking down these barriers and walls that I had built without realizing it. It was almost as though I had built these barricades and dugouts, placed up barbed wire and had machine guns ready at aim to fire at any intruder. Through years and years of small hails of bullets I had built a fortress ready for an attack. Suddenly, when I realized that attack wasn't coming, I could start taking down my defenses. The bitchy, standoffish self that I had become such great (and terrible) friends with was slowly fading away. It was a strange thing to realize that not only physically could I tackle these great feats of strength, but mentally I could encourage myself to keep fighting. When my body was aching and muscles were screaming to stop, I could take a step back, stare at the bar and tell myself to finish. Besides one medical set back which made jumping rope incredibly painful...I have finished every workout I have started. And when I started tackling what, at one time, had been impossible to me...I started tackling life in the same manner.
When all the war-ready barricades had been torn down and I stood there feeling naked and defenseless in what was once a hostile zone, I allowed myself to recognize and acknowledge what had been scaring me into hiding for so long. And when I surrendered to myself and waved my white flag, all of a sudden relief efforts were coming from all around me. In forms of friends, family and my incredibly understanding and patient fiance, they came to help me. They cleaned my wounds, let me recognize why I had been hiding, fed my inspiration, encouraged me to smile, put some clothes on me and walked me off the battlefield. And I really truly believe that a lot of the reason I was able to stand there asking for help in the first place, was because CrossFit gave me the strength to overcome any "WOD", physically and mentally.
My lifestyle now is healtier than it has ever been. I am physically active, willing to strive for everything I start and confident enough to tell myself "Bree, you CAN do this, you CAN finish this". I eat healthier, have more staminia and endurance to get through my days and feel better about myself. Mentally, I'm ready for anything you can throw at me. I've become happier, I understand why some things frighten me and feel that I have been given the tools and allowed the right people into my life to help me build things back up. The gears are clicking away and I feel that this unintentional change has set me on the path of "anything is possible".
I'm not sure what I want you to take away from this. Maybe that changing your lifestyle isn't as hard as you think. That overcoming physical and mental barriers can be difficult but inspiring. Let the right people and circumstances into your life, open yourself up to the beautiful changes that are occuring. Hopefully you too will find happiness, in whatever "WOD" you do today.
Namaste.
Brianna Saylor
People I think always assume that a lifestyle change is difficult. That it requires some metaphysical cosmic collision to ever work right. And although no one ever said changing years worth of habits and living would be easy...I found changing a lifestyle was actually way simpler than I had anticipated.
My lifestyle change occurred by accident. I never really set out with the idea to change my age-old habits of exercise, eating, sleeping and moody behavior, it just sort of occurred. I knew with my recent engagement that certain things needed adjusting, but I never assumed that my whole outlook on life would be so drastically altered. The shift started on my first day at CrossFit East Oahu. Not knowing what to expect, where to go, how to handle barbells and weights, wall balls and boxes and what the heck was a "WOD"?...I hesitantly stepped into my first class. After the first 3,2,1...go!...I knew I was hooked. The atmosphere, the people, the workout..it was all pleasantly different. The aching, the sore body, the "I can't figure out how to sit down and take a pee because its too much like a squat" feeling was surprisingly refreshing.
The first gears clicked into place of my new lifestyle change that fateful day...but they didn't start rolling and moving until a few weeks later. It started with 2 classes a week. Then I challenged myself to 3. Then 4. Then 5. All of a sudden I couldn't go enough and 6 and sometimes 7 days were the norm. I watched people around me that had been there longer and started making mental goals to hit. Little milestones that I wanted to achieve. The first one was cutting out certain foods, eating healthier and committing to a workout schedule.
When that was done I wanted to continually move up in weight until I could complete one workout of the day, "WOD", at RX weight (the prescribed weight). That benchmark came faster than I had expected. Ok...kipping pull-ups! You should YouTube that if you're not sure of what it is. I can do them now! Squat clean at 110lbs? Sure!! Heavier weight. Ok! 135lb backsquat, check. 190lb deadlift (technically 185lb counted because my grip slipped at 190, but I got it UP!). Check, check, check, check. Overhead squats, snatches, running, blisters and sore feet, shin splints and sweat...yes!
Certain things starting clicking and shifting and all of a sudden those gears were turning. Without even meaning to I had created a lifestyle change. I got excited about going to workout, to challenge myself into heavier weights, longer distances running, faster times. I wanted to go as long as I could on a fast, wanted to challenge myself to cut out certain sugars, refined foods and grains. I wanted to see the callused hands and blistered feet (and boy do I have those now). I wanted to be able to get my name on the board, I wanted to complete a workout without puking (which...luckily...I have yet to puke). The most motivating part of the process was not only the weights and endurance, but the physical changes I was starting to see in my body. Pants were getting lose, arms were getting stronger, thighs were becoming toned. I could look in the mirror and not have to suck it in. Sit down on the sand and know that I wasn't bulging out of a swimsuit.
I remember I tried on my wedding gown and told the lady "Wow, this has a great corset!"
To which she replied, "Oh no darling, this has no corset, that hour-glass shape is all you!" That was completely inspirational.
My accidental lifestyle change not only occurred physically, but also mentally. I started breaking down these barriers and walls that I had built without realizing it. It was almost as though I had built these barricades and dugouts, placed up barbed wire and had machine guns ready at aim to fire at any intruder. Through years and years of small hails of bullets I had built a fortress ready for an attack. Suddenly, when I realized that attack wasn't coming, I could start taking down my defenses. The bitchy, standoffish self that I had become such great (and terrible) friends with was slowly fading away. It was a strange thing to realize that not only physically could I tackle these great feats of strength, but mentally I could encourage myself to keep fighting. When my body was aching and muscles were screaming to stop, I could take a step back, stare at the bar and tell myself to finish. Besides one medical set back which made jumping rope incredibly painful...I have finished every workout I have started. And when I started tackling what, at one time, had been impossible to me...I started tackling life in the same manner.
When all the war-ready barricades had been torn down and I stood there feeling naked and defenseless in what was once a hostile zone, I allowed myself to recognize and acknowledge what had been scaring me into hiding for so long. And when I surrendered to myself and waved my white flag, all of a sudden relief efforts were coming from all around me. In forms of friends, family and my incredibly understanding and patient fiance, they came to help me. They cleaned my wounds, let me recognize why I had been hiding, fed my inspiration, encouraged me to smile, put some clothes on me and walked me off the battlefield. And I really truly believe that a lot of the reason I was able to stand there asking for help in the first place, was because CrossFit gave me the strength to overcome any "WOD", physically and mentally.
My lifestyle now is healtier than it has ever been. I am physically active, willing to strive for everything I start and confident enough to tell myself "Bree, you CAN do this, you CAN finish this". I eat healthier, have more staminia and endurance to get through my days and feel better about myself. Mentally, I'm ready for anything you can throw at me. I've become happier, I understand why some things frighten me and feel that I have been given the tools and allowed the right people into my life to help me build things back up. The gears are clicking away and I feel that this unintentional change has set me on the path of "anything is possible".
I'm not sure what I want you to take away from this. Maybe that changing your lifestyle isn't as hard as you think. That overcoming physical and mental barriers can be difficult but inspiring. Let the right people and circumstances into your life, open yourself up to the beautiful changes that are occuring. Hopefully you too will find happiness, in whatever "WOD" you do today.
Namaste.
Brianna Saylor
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Dede
Tomorrow is Father's Day.
I'm living far away from my family, all the way across the ocean and not being able to spend important days like Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthdays, etc with my family is something that I have become used to. Well, not used to, but you have to learn to live with it. Because if you sit around and think about how sad it is to be so far away from all the people you love than you can become increasingly down. So, you send all your love and energy over the seas and hope that they find their way into the hearts of your dearest.
And living far away from you family and friends on an island, figuring out how to balance your life paycheck to paycheck, also means that sending gifts or even taking moms and dads out to dinner is near impossible. So...I figured, Dede...I am going to do the next best thing that I can. I'm going to write about you.
I know some people think that they have a connection with their dads...and I hope that you do. But no one I think has quite the same connection as me and my daddy. Ever since I was little, I've been a daddy's girl. My dad taught me everything I know. My dad is an incredibly spiritual person and I've always felt a connection with that. I remember being little and looking through books of my dads of gurus and life and the universe and light. My dad patiently answered all my questions about the mysteries of life. He let me stare wide-eyed at the pages and pictures of gurus and Hindu gods and let me sit with him and pretend to meditate. From a tiny girl up until today I can call my dad and talk to him about energies and life and know that he will understand me completely.
My dad is the biggest supporter of whatever it is I wanted to do. I have a gypsy mindset...which I half blame his DNA for...where I can't seem to sit still. This could also be the ADD (which I also blame his DNA for), but regardless my wanderlust and excitement to jump on bandwagons I can only imagine would have been frustrating for a parent. "I want to horseback ride! I want to do taekwondo! I want to do soccer! I want to surf! I want to go to get a GED! I want to go to college! I want to go to college in Hawaii! Move back to a different island, go back to California, back to Hawaii! Change jobs!" And through all of my explosive and non-thinking actions, guess who has always been there cheering me on? My dad. He patiently would listen to me declare that "This is it! This is what I want to do!" and than calmly try to talk the pro's and con's into me. Regardless of my decision, my dad was at every soccer game, every practice, every crying phone call when reality in Honolulu set in. My dad has picked me up from the airport, funded my trans-Pacific flights and the entire time encouraged me to do the best and be the best at everything I do. And I have really strived to be the best person I can be simply because I have a dad that believes in me.
I am more like my dad than I even realize at times. We both have a love for the ocean and creatures. We have incredibly similar spiritual beliefs. Whenever I feel like the sky is falling, I know that my dad knows exactly what I'm going through. My dad has not only raised (and fully supported) a gypsy-minded daughter, but also raised two amazing sons. Between all of my soccer and horseback riding excursions my dad was at every (and even coaching!) one of my brother's football games and all of Jonathan's track meets. He is the biggest Coast Guard supporter and honestly one of the greatest Gay Right's supporters out there.
I remember being little and having my dad go on location to San Francisco. He wrote me a letter and drew the Bay Bridge on it. I remember being so upset that he was gone for so long I held onto that letter in my night stand and read it every night. I still have that letter! My dad goes on locations all over the world, Mexico, Tennessee, Louisiana, Prague, Portland. I know how it feels to be far away from your family but I can't imagine doing it all alone. My dad is an incredibly strong man.
Now that I am planning a wedding and thinking about my life and my future, I'm starting to realize that a lot of traits and characteristics in my future husband remind me of my dad. Tyler opens doors for me, my dad has always opened doors for me. Tyler walks around to get my car door, so does my dad. Tyler lets me walk through doors first, so does my dad. There are a lot of things I suppose my subconscious mind picked up on in Tyler that reminded me of my dad. Those characteristics and traits are what I associate a REAL man with...because my dad is the best man I know. I guess I hope that maybe one day IF and my I emphasize the IF part...we have children...Tyler will be as good of a dad to our kids as mine was to me.
In planning a wedding and thinking of a father/daughter dance and my dad walking me down the aisle, it kind of makes me get a bit choked up. This is my dad. He's taught me everything I know. I am so proud to have a connection with him. My dad is one of my best friends. I hope I've made you proud...despite actually not sending you a gift (love you...).
I have the BEST dad in the whole world. Happy Father's Day dede :)
Monday, May 16, 2011
Finding a little motivation
Finding some motivation has been hard lately. Over the past few weeks sitting at a desk putting the ins and outs of a 8-4:30 shift has been wearing on me. Looking outside at the beautiful Oahu day and feeling stuck in a cubicle can be draining. I'd come home to a house I was too tired to deal with and take out any frustration on poor Tyler. I was moody, irritable and couldn't find the inspiration to get my butt up and doing something. When all I really wanted to do was SOMETHING.
After some convincing from Tyler and grumpy motivation from myself, I finally attended my first CrossFit class. I was super nervous going into it. The ladies outside pretty much told me to be prepared to die and feel in pain but that it would be worth it in the end. That didn't make me feel too much better. I was expecting a gym of meat-heads and big buff ladies and to have me be this little out of shape girl trying to lift something and looking like a fool. But it was actually totally opposite.
Every walk of life was there. Tyler and another guy (besides the owners and coaches) were the only guys that were really in shape. I'm not even going to pretend to lift and squat as much as Tyler...or attempt the pull ups he was doing... but there was big, tall, small, fat, skinny, in shape, out of shape, every walk of life. It was a fairly small class for a Saturday morning and the atmosphere was really nice, everyone was encouraging and positive. I guess it was a good day to start because it was core day and we switched from squats to various ab workouts. After the warm-up the session only took me 12:58 minutes to complete. I was the last of most people to be done but less than 13 minutes and I was done! I felt energized, motivated and inspired.
Two days later I'm still sore. I can't really do a situp and God forbid I gotta take a pee where I have to fall back onto the toilet (still too much of a squatting position that I have to get into to do that...). But it feels GOOD. I feel like this is something different. Every workout will be different. It's short and sweet and to the point. I can get in, get out, get a better body and get on with my life. After doing some homework on CrossFit I'm SO ready to look like all of these people and these success stories. I refuse to be a statistic. On more than one level. But in terms of the "fat America" and the "I have no time to workout" and the "I eat fast food because its easily available" statistics, no thank you. I want to look like the people in the success stories. Tyler and I don't eat too bad as it is, but we decided to cut alcohol out of our diets completely. Hardly any sugar, lean meat (for Tyler. Just the protein in tofu for me), watch the melted cheese and carbs and drink no soda, limit juice and increase water. Eat more sprouted grains, local grown, organic when can and fresh fruit and veggies. On top of Tyler working at Whole Foods already, luckily, we are limiting the amount of times we can eat out and cooking more at home. I'm also stopping eating when I'm full. Not being glutenous and eating whatever is left on my plate.
And in terms of getting healthy and not being a statistic, it shouldn't be that hard to get to. I want to do a pull up and a squat with 45 pounds (which was the min we were supposed to do on Saturday but I did 20). I want to sit down in a bikini and not have to worry about sucking it in. I want to dance and jump and have nothing jiggle. I want a lean, flat stomach and toned legs. I want a butt! I want strong arms and back and no shake comin with them fries. I want to look good in my wedding dress!!
I'm going to buy workout clothes and I'm going to try to go a min of 3 times a week. 4 or 5 if time allows (or I can walk). But I strongly encourage everyone to just TRY. It's so completely different than anything I've ever done before. It hurts but it's so great. So worth it!! So...day 1 down. I don't know measurements but I do know weight. I weigh 128 pounds right now. Heaviest I've been my whole life. I'm ok losing weight, ideal would be about 115. But I would love to gain muscle and definition, that is ideal.
CrossFit! Namaste :)
After some convincing from Tyler and grumpy motivation from myself, I finally attended my first CrossFit class. I was super nervous going into it. The ladies outside pretty much told me to be prepared to die and feel in pain but that it would be worth it in the end. That didn't make me feel too much better. I was expecting a gym of meat-heads and big buff ladies and to have me be this little out of shape girl trying to lift something and looking like a fool. But it was actually totally opposite.
Every walk of life was there. Tyler and another guy (besides the owners and coaches) were the only guys that were really in shape. I'm not even going to pretend to lift and squat as much as Tyler...or attempt the pull ups he was doing... but there was big, tall, small, fat, skinny, in shape, out of shape, every walk of life. It was a fairly small class for a Saturday morning and the atmosphere was really nice, everyone was encouraging and positive. I guess it was a good day to start because it was core day and we switched from squats to various ab workouts. After the warm-up the session only took me 12:58 minutes to complete. I was the last of most people to be done but less than 13 minutes and I was done! I felt energized, motivated and inspired.
Two days later I'm still sore. I can't really do a situp and God forbid I gotta take a pee where I have to fall back onto the toilet (still too much of a squatting position that I have to get into to do that...). But it feels GOOD. I feel like this is something different. Every workout will be different. It's short and sweet and to the point. I can get in, get out, get a better body and get on with my life. After doing some homework on CrossFit I'm SO ready to look like all of these people and these success stories. I refuse to be a statistic. On more than one level. But in terms of the "fat America" and the "I have no time to workout" and the "I eat fast food because its easily available" statistics, no thank you. I want to look like the people in the success stories. Tyler and I don't eat too bad as it is, but we decided to cut alcohol out of our diets completely. Hardly any sugar, lean meat (for Tyler. Just the protein in tofu for me), watch the melted cheese and carbs and drink no soda, limit juice and increase water. Eat more sprouted grains, local grown, organic when can and fresh fruit and veggies. On top of Tyler working at Whole Foods already, luckily, we are limiting the amount of times we can eat out and cooking more at home. I'm also stopping eating when I'm full. Not being glutenous and eating whatever is left on my plate.
And in terms of getting healthy and not being a statistic, it shouldn't be that hard to get to. I want to do a pull up and a squat with 45 pounds (which was the min we were supposed to do on Saturday but I did 20). I want to sit down in a bikini and not have to worry about sucking it in. I want to dance and jump and have nothing jiggle. I want a lean, flat stomach and toned legs. I want a butt! I want strong arms and back and no shake comin with them fries. I want to look good in my wedding dress!!
I'm going to buy workout clothes and I'm going to try to go a min of 3 times a week. 4 or 5 if time allows (or I can walk). But I strongly encourage everyone to just TRY. It's so completely different than anything I've ever done before. It hurts but it's so great. So worth it!! So...day 1 down. I don't know measurements but I do know weight. I weigh 128 pounds right now. Heaviest I've been my whole life. I'm ok losing weight, ideal would be about 115. But I would love to gain muscle and definition, that is ideal.
CrossFit! Namaste :)
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Dear Universe
Dear Universe,
I will prevail. I will be happy. I will prosper. I will be successful. I will find the beauty in everyday. I will be healthy. I will marry this man. I will be wealthy. I will do my best. I will be everything I have ever wanted to be. I will conquer. I will reach my goals. I will make this world a better place. I will accomplish all that I set my mind to. I am here. I am not going anywhere. I am a force to be reckoned with. I will live. I will love. I will be the best Brianna I can be.
Just a warning.
Sincerely with aloha,
Brianna
I will prevail. I will be happy. I will prosper. I will be successful. I will find the beauty in everyday. I will be healthy. I will marry this man. I will be wealthy. I will do my best. I will be everything I have ever wanted to be. I will conquer. I will reach my goals. I will make this world a better place. I will accomplish all that I set my mind to. I am here. I am not going anywhere. I am a force to be reckoned with. I will live. I will love. I will be the best Brianna I can be.
Just a warning.
Sincerely with aloha,
Brianna
I believe
A LOT has been going on in my life. I keep writing notes on pieces of paper at work to add to my blog. But, here is one of them, considering things that have been happening in my life...
*ahem*
I Believe
...in a few things deeply. Things that I feel are rooted into the very fiber of my being and things I can not change no matter how hard I try. These things may be a product of my up bringing or environment, or simply things I have experienced hands on that have shaped who I am. Regardless, they are my beliefs. If you feel differently, I greatly respect that. your opinion is as much of who you are as mine are to me, so try to understand where I come from.
I believe fully in animal rights. Inhumane and unnecessary suffering of any living creature is wrong. I can not relate to anyone who feels differently. Regardless of species, the dog you have as a pet has the same emotions, fear, excitement, understanding and blood as the cow you eat for dinner. There is NO excuse that we, as functioning humans who understand that every creature experiences pain on a certain level, we should inflict that upon any creature. IT IS possible, it IS healthy to eat an entirely vegetarian or mostly vegetarian diet. To me, the sacrifice of a life is not worth the taste in my mouth.
I believe lesbian, gay, bi and transgender should be free to marry. I have been lucky enough in my life to have found and felt great love. Why deny that to anyone? The "institution of marriage" is based on the morals and values of the individuals involved. Look how many heterosexual couples have ruined that. On the same subject, I can not and refuse to even pretend to symphathize with any individual who bullies and/or protests at funerals, etc. How dare you? If the tables were turned and someone protested at yours, you would cry, bitch and moan. EVERYONE should be free to love. This is something I am incredibly passionate about. I am sad California appealed Prop 8. There are so many more important things in the world than marriage of a gay couple. Equal rights for all. Some guys marry guys, some girls kiss girls...GET OVER IT.
I believe our military should have higher pay. The reason people can protest at military funerals is because that son/daughter/father/mother/wife/brother/sister died for your rights. These people should never have to deal with budget cuts, etc. They are the ones with the biggest sacrifice. I have so much respect for our military, they should never worry about not being able to pay rent or obtaining insurance. Our corrupt government...
I believe everyone should understand how much of an impact they have on our environment. I am a marine conservation freak. Sorry, I wont get started on this particular subject, but turning a blind eye won't make a difference. Then bitching that there is a Texas-size trash heap when laws permit dumping? Come on.
I believe wages should be higher, taxes should be lower. All managers should spend a day in all departments and not in the luxury of their air conditioned offices. Pulling up four hours late in their BMW's and say how busy they are. F you and your four vacation homes. Telling me a raise isn't in your budget.
I am not liberal. But I am starting to assume I am not Republican. I think all politicians are equally wrong. I'm sorry I did not vote for Obama. I don't agree with the Libyan war. I don't think we sould give them media coverage. These people are destroying themselves when people in Japan are dying because of circumstances that are beyond their control. And shame on radical church groups who are saying this is punishment for sins.
I believe in God. I believe in meditation and energy forces. I have practiced yoga. I have attended church. I am a military supporter. My baby brother is gay. I am vegetarian. I HAVE eaten meat. I think marine conservation is important. I have trained captive dolphins. I am a scientist and a self-proclaimed environmentalist. I do believe all extremest groups can be wrong. I think if you can work, you should not ask for free hand-outs, but if you need it and have paid into the system, you should be provided unemployment. I can understanding wanting to better your life, but I think illegal immigration is wrong. My family did it the right way, so should you. I don't necessarily agree with our college system, but I did go and now I am paying it back. I see where taxes are good, but ridiculous raises in them are unnecessary.
There. I feel better. Judge me. This is me. I don't care. I am not overly either side in most issues but these. Take it or leave it.
Namaste.
*ahem*
I Believe
...in a few things deeply. Things that I feel are rooted into the very fiber of my being and things I can not change no matter how hard I try. These things may be a product of my up bringing or environment, or simply things I have experienced hands on that have shaped who I am. Regardless, they are my beliefs. If you feel differently, I greatly respect that. your opinion is as much of who you are as mine are to me, so try to understand where I come from.
I believe fully in animal rights. Inhumane and unnecessary suffering of any living creature is wrong. I can not relate to anyone who feels differently. Regardless of species, the dog you have as a pet has the same emotions, fear, excitement, understanding and blood as the cow you eat for dinner. There is NO excuse that we, as functioning humans who understand that every creature experiences pain on a certain level, we should inflict that upon any creature. IT IS possible, it IS healthy to eat an entirely vegetarian or mostly vegetarian diet. To me, the sacrifice of a life is not worth the taste in my mouth.
I believe lesbian, gay, bi and transgender should be free to marry. I have been lucky enough in my life to have found and felt great love. Why deny that to anyone? The "institution of marriage" is based on the morals and values of the individuals involved. Look how many heterosexual couples have ruined that. On the same subject, I can not and refuse to even pretend to symphathize with any individual who bullies and/or protests at funerals, etc. How dare you? If the tables were turned and someone protested at yours, you would cry, bitch and moan. EVERYONE should be free to love. This is something I am incredibly passionate about. I am sad California appealed Prop 8. There are so many more important things in the world than marriage of a gay couple. Equal rights for all. Some guys marry guys, some girls kiss girls...GET OVER IT.
I believe our military should have higher pay. The reason people can protest at military funerals is because that son/daughter/father/mother/wife/brother/sister died for your rights. These people should never have to deal with budget cuts, etc. They are the ones with the biggest sacrifice. I have so much respect for our military, they should never worry about not being able to pay rent or obtaining insurance. Our corrupt government...
I believe everyone should understand how much of an impact they have on our environment. I am a marine conservation freak. Sorry, I wont get started on this particular subject, but turning a blind eye won't make a difference. Then bitching that there is a Texas-size trash heap when laws permit dumping? Come on.
I believe wages should be higher, taxes should be lower. All managers should spend a day in all departments and not in the luxury of their air conditioned offices. Pulling up four hours late in their BMW's and say how busy they are. F you and your four vacation homes. Telling me a raise isn't in your budget.
I am not liberal. But I am starting to assume I am not Republican. I think all politicians are equally wrong. I'm sorry I did not vote for Obama. I don't agree with the Libyan war. I don't think we sould give them media coverage. These people are destroying themselves when people in Japan are dying because of circumstances that are beyond their control. And shame on radical church groups who are saying this is punishment for sins.
I believe in God. I believe in meditation and energy forces. I have practiced yoga. I have attended church. I am a military supporter. My baby brother is gay. I am vegetarian. I HAVE eaten meat. I think marine conservation is important. I have trained captive dolphins. I am a scientist and a self-proclaimed environmentalist. I do believe all extremest groups can be wrong. I think if you can work, you should not ask for free hand-outs, but if you need it and have paid into the system, you should be provided unemployment. I can understanding wanting to better your life, but I think illegal immigration is wrong. My family did it the right way, so should you. I don't necessarily agree with our college system, but I did go and now I am paying it back. I see where taxes are good, but ridiculous raises in them are unnecessary.
There. I feel better. Judge me. This is me. I don't care. I am not overly either side in most issues but these. Take it or leave it.
Namaste.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
The world has its way to quiet us down.
With all that has been happening in the past week I started to really count my blessings closer to home. Watching the wave of water destroy towns in Japan on the news was absolutely heart-wrenching. There is nothing that stirs human emotion more than watching helplessly as people flee for their lives and knowing there is little to nothing you can do.
As if by deja-vu, Tyler and I stayed glued to the tv all night, listening to the eerie scream of the tsunami sirens blaring in the distance. The tangible energy that you feel when your entire world (or at least as you know it) waits on baited breath to see if we will be swept away by a wave, is something that I can't describe. Everyone is quiet, everyone is nervous, the geckos stop chirping, the wing blows a little quieter, everything is in a suspended pause of anxiety. All eyes were turned toward the east, all ears were focused on Hawaii. Waiting to hear if the waves would devastate our shores.
We, on Oahu, dodged another bullet. Maui and Big Island didn't get as lucky, but compared to what happened to Japan we were incredibly blessed. Tyler and I got called into work the following morning, and all I could think of was the mass amount of displaced people that were still here in Honolulu and couldn't get home to Japan. My coworker was supposed to leave tomorrow for Tokyo to see her family, but canceled her trip. She cries whenever she talks about the quake and gets teary when she sees signs and shirts that say "Pray for Japan". A trainer at my job, Hiro, his sister was missing from her home in the tsunami hit area, but was found in critical condition in a hospital. The "Aloha for Japan" fund here is incredible, most have Japanese ancestory and almost everyone is in contact with Japanese people everyday. The aloha spilling out to help our Japanese friends and neighbors is beautiful.
So in a time like this, I can't complain about my job. I do, but it is definitely humbling to realize I am way better off than some. I have friends and family that are safe and healthy in California and all over the world. I wake up to a beautiful sunrise and fall asleep to a beautiful sunset every night. I come home to the most amazing man in the world, we get to live in a beautiful island paradise. I have enough money to buy food, I have a car to get around and I am blessed with good health. It's still hard to see the images and photographs coming out of the devastated area, knowing that you are so blessed over here in Hawaii and can't really do much...
So when you brag and boast, whine or complain...that's ok. We have a right to be proud of our accomplishments, we can feel disappointment when we strive to achieve our best and fall short. It is what makes us human to experience these kinds of emotions and pushes us to continue to become the best people we can be. But once our moments of selfish feelings are over, we need to take a minute to look at others in the world and their situations. Those that are better off can do what we can to help others. And we need take a step back and look at our lives and realize that we are very lucky, and we should be in awe of the lives we have been granted.
Namaste.
As if by deja-vu, Tyler and I stayed glued to the tv all night, listening to the eerie scream of the tsunami sirens blaring in the distance. The tangible energy that you feel when your entire world (or at least as you know it) waits on baited breath to see if we will be swept away by a wave, is something that I can't describe. Everyone is quiet, everyone is nervous, the geckos stop chirping, the wing blows a little quieter, everything is in a suspended pause of anxiety. All eyes were turned toward the east, all ears were focused on Hawaii. Waiting to hear if the waves would devastate our shores.
We, on Oahu, dodged another bullet. Maui and Big Island didn't get as lucky, but compared to what happened to Japan we were incredibly blessed. Tyler and I got called into work the following morning, and all I could think of was the mass amount of displaced people that were still here in Honolulu and couldn't get home to Japan. My coworker was supposed to leave tomorrow for Tokyo to see her family, but canceled her trip. She cries whenever she talks about the quake and gets teary when she sees signs and shirts that say "Pray for Japan". A trainer at my job, Hiro, his sister was missing from her home in the tsunami hit area, but was found in critical condition in a hospital. The "Aloha for Japan" fund here is incredible, most have Japanese ancestory and almost everyone is in contact with Japanese people everyday. The aloha spilling out to help our Japanese friends and neighbors is beautiful.
So in a time like this, I can't complain about my job. I do, but it is definitely humbling to realize I am way better off than some. I have friends and family that are safe and healthy in California and all over the world. I wake up to a beautiful sunrise and fall asleep to a beautiful sunset every night. I come home to the most amazing man in the world, we get to live in a beautiful island paradise. I have enough money to buy food, I have a car to get around and I am blessed with good health. It's still hard to see the images and photographs coming out of the devastated area, knowing that you are so blessed over here in Hawaii and can't really do much...
So when you brag and boast, whine or complain...that's ok. We have a right to be proud of our accomplishments, we can feel disappointment when we strive to achieve our best and fall short. It is what makes us human to experience these kinds of emotions and pushes us to continue to become the best people we can be. But once our moments of selfish feelings are over, we need to take a minute to look at others in the world and their situations. Those that are better off can do what we can to help others. And we need take a step back and look at our lives and realize that we are very lucky, and we should be in awe of the lives we have been granted.
Namaste.
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