Merry freakin Christmas

Be forewarned.  This is a rant.

I am frustrated and feel like everything is collapsing and falling in and no matter how much I tell myself that this is okay and I am okay and this situation is okay...I keep panicking.  Tonight I had massive anxiety attack over nothing in particular (granted in that moment it seemed catastrophic) but it was just the overwhelmingness of everything.  I tend to make mountains out of molehills or so the saying goes.

I freaked out over the fact that the work is scarce, the money tree has frozen over with the season, the Christmas presents seem to be taunting me, the wedding seems over done, the "place of my own" seems like a far away dream, the school seems to be playing keep-away and I just can't seem to make my mind up on colors and tuxedos.  I think I would have been okay but the damn Christmas tree WOULD NOT light and that just threw me into a fit and I started to blame the Christmas tree and got mad at Tyler and my mom and threw off my Santa hat and stormed out of the room and just absolutely freaking lost it. 

I suppose now that I can breathe (and feel the pounding headache)...I don't know what to do.  I thought writing would make me feel better.  It doesn't.  I thought sitting here and relaxing might calm me.  Not really.

So.  I guess I'm done.  I've never really done this.  Sat down, not known what to write.  But...there is a first time for everything.  I guess I just wanted to tell you how ANGRY that Christmas tree made me.

The end.