A short story about CrossFit

Rebounding from my last very angry post about Christmas...I thought that I would be able to start with something a little funny and upbeat.

This is a short story on how CrossFit has completely and utterly ruined the gym experience for me.

A long long time ago when I was a wee lass that couldn't lift a heavy box without asking for help, the idea of starting a rigorous workout agenda sounded daunting.  The images of CrossFit that were splattered on google at the the time looked like He-Man and Barbarella just finished a juice fast and were hitting the GloboGym hard for a quick pre-workout before their body building competitions.  So needless to say my first CrossFit class at CrossFit East Oahu seemed like a death sentence.

If you have read previous blogs you will know by now that it was so obviously NOT that, in fact it was completely revolutionary for me.  It was the start of a life, not a death of one.  Well, maybe the death of the wimpy out of shape Bree...but from every death is rebirth right?  REBORN was the Bree that entered a CrossFit throw down and that has a goal of power cleaning 135lbs!!

Now...why CrossFit has ruined every GloboGym, regular workout scheme for me ever again.  BECAUSE THEY DON'T WORK.  There.  They don't.  Your cardio today, legs tomorrow, three pound baby weights and pully system workout machines are pointless.  They are absolutely ridiculously stupid.  Sorry.  You will never in your life use one of those machines in the real world.  You will never need to incline your butt to push something with one leg and your toes pointed forward while staring in a mirror at your own reflection flexing your non-existant muscles in the reality we live in.  What will you have to do?  Pick up something heavy off the floor?  Yes.  Throw something that maybe slightly heavy onto an upper shelf?  Yes!  Lift your sorry ass up onto a higher object?  Perhaps?  Will you need to walk?  Of course.  Run?  Maybe.  Sit down, stand up and move like a normal functional human being?  Yes!  What does CrossFit give you?  Free weights, heavy weights, light weights, pull ups, constantly varied movements that you will need to use in your real world?  Yes.  Cardio on a treadmill?  Hell no!  Cardio from lifting, moving and doing things that are FUNCTIONAL.  I have yet to do a "cardio" workout in almost a year because guess what?  I don't need it.

"Brianna," you may say, "but how are you losing weight if you aren't doing cardio one day, legs the next day, arms the following and abs every other third moon cycle when the rain has come to stay for longer than a harvest?"

*poker face stare*...I have NEVER looked better!!  I have never felt better, looked leaner or been more active and healthier in my life!  I've lost inches, gained muscle and shed pounds (I have intentionally and knowingly added about a pound onto my body when I was in the peak of my performance...that was all muscle).

"Brianna," you will ask again, "aren't you bulky?  Doesn't lifting weights make you look like Barbarella (or He-Man)?"

No.  It will make you look toned.  It will make you look like you are healthy and active and you can do more than lift a remote off the couch to change the channel.  Sure, you can look bulky if you want to, but that requires a lot of time and effort and if you would truly like to look that way, wonderful!  That's a lot of commitment and I admire that.

Today I decided that I was bored sitting in my living room and since I don't have a CrossFit membership at the moment I needed to do something.  I am one of the lucky ones that has a dumbbell set and kettlebells and boxes in my garage (where's my barbells!?).  I did a warm up of 50 20kg American kettlebell swings and decided I would head down to the gym at our apartment complex to see what it was all about.  There were a few loose dumbbells and I made up a quick WOD of 5 heavy...for me...push presses (40 pounds), 10 pushups and 15 squats...5 rounds for time.  As I'm nearing my 3rd round I'm drenched in sweat, huffing and puffing and saying "SHIT!" loudly every time I drop those weights.  I lay on the floor panting before I start my pushups and look around me to see the other people in the gym staring.  Someone asked me if the floor was dirty.  Dirty?  I thought it was clean compared to most gyms!  No one else is sweating...no one else seems to be doing a whole lot but walking with workout clothes or staring at a TV on an elliptical machine.  There's a girl in the corner doing some HIDEOUS squats.  Wait a second...this isn't a box!!

I stop at round 4 and walk over to the girl who is doing squats that are going to throw her back out with a medicine ball that is more suited for her than the one she is currently using.  I start to coach her on having her weight in the heels, watching for the butt wink and telling her to stand with the weight in her chest.  Her boyfriend pipes up and asks what sports I play.  Sports?  I do CrossFit!  CrossFit?  He doesn't even know what it is....so I start YouTubing...doing little demos in the small gym and showing him everything that his personal trainer at *cough* 24Hour Fitness has shown him was wrong.  I couldn't help myself.  He said he maxed a power clean at 100lbs.  I HAD to show him up and give him my max (I couldn't help myself!).  I explained everything I knew, showed proof that CrossFit works and pointed them toward a wonderful nearby CrossFit box.  Everyone else in the gym was eavesdropping...I hope they take something away from it!!

As I walked back to my apartment I realized that what everyone else is assuming is a workout...isn't.  I feel like maybe I helped change someones attitude towards working out and what it really means to be an athlete.  Granted, CF has completely blown up even from a year ago with Reebok sponsoring and the ads on TV and all that other jazz...but the heart of CF is still there.   It's still about conquering mental barriers about your body and fitness and breaking down physical walls.  It's about seeing that true change in yourself.  I hate to say it, but I will NEVER be able to go back to a normal gym again.  This was an eye opener!

I have no better way to wrap this up than to just say you should try it.  You should.  It may not be for everyone but it is for a lot of people and there is a reason why it is quickly becoming the most popular fitness routine in the world (no sorry not P90X or Insanity).  So...with nothing else to stay...

FIN.